Why I can't I be me?

Here's the deal...I'm atheistic. I don't subscribe to ANY religion whatsoever. Most people respect that and leave me be. I don't shove what i DON'T believe down their throats so I would appreciate the same respect. Sure I'll comment on things, just as religious people do, and I don't try and pick a debate with them on it. If they have something to say I listen, I might not agree w/it, I might even voice how I feel if I'm talking to a like-minded person or am asked directly, but I don't go shoving it down people's throats (If I'm wrong about my assumptions that I don't do that, please let me know so I can correct that behavior but I honestly don't think I do that.) I do NOT like, tolerate, or appreciate people that shove it in my face.
I love my sister-in-law, and my brother. I love my sister and my brother-in-law, I love my mom and dad. All of them believe in a higher power, more specifically the Christian dogma. I, do not. Though I was raised in a household that went to a Christian church every Sunday. I can remember since I was 5yrs old, that  I didn't believe what they were saying in Sunday school. I just didn't. I thought they were lovely stories, but not much else. The older I got, and the more I studied the Christian bible and the things within, the more I realized that I truly did NOT believe the 'teachings', I thought some of the stories were good life lessons about forgiveness, acceptance, and the human spirit so to speak, but literal truth? no. I do know that some history is injected into the stories, but ALL legends from ancient cultures has a kernel of truth laced through the story. That is known well. I don't want people to take this next part the wrong way- but I have to liken it to something.

People that are gay talk about knowing it since they were "such-in-such" age, or that they've ALWAYS felt that way. Why? Because they were BORN that way. I feel the same way about religion and my atheism. I have ALWAYS felt this way, I was BORN this way. I'm not saying it's right or wrong to believe in something like "god" or whatever, what I'm saying is that ever since I was a CHILD I've listened to that rational voice in my head that said- "HOW?, WHY?" and I have NEVER EVER felt like I've gotten a clear or certain answer about it from the religious community. I have truly searched my mind, heart, and what one could consider "spirit" about how I feel, what I believe, or DO NOT believe. This is not some random rebellious thing. It's not something that I have doubts about. It's not my way of being "different from society" on purpose because I'm dissatisfied. Just as much as someone who truly believe in the Christian god (or ANY god for that matter) I truly do NOT believe in one, in ANY.

It's not your JOB to tell me I am wrong, or that I am missing something in my life, or that one day I will feel the "wholeness" of what you say you have. I don't FEEL empty, I do not feel un-whole, I am NOT missing anything from my life. I am happy, I love my family, I have great friends, I have fabulous kids and a wonderful life that I enjoy fully and completely. I'm not angry, or cynical, or offended, or trying to be something I'm not. I am me. And what I am is an Atheist. If that bother you and moves you to "pray" for me, do so...if that is what you feel you must do to make yourself feel better about who I am. If that means that you can accept me, and just leave me be, but PRIVATELY wish for something, by all means, knock yourself out. That is your right, and your guaranteed freedom to do so. It doesn't bother me when people tell me- "God bless you". I don't burst into flames when someone tells me- "I will pray for you". It doesn't offend me when people say- "God spoke to me about you". NONE of that bothers me. I accept that people will deal with life's ups and downs in their own way, they use what tools they NEED to use to get through life, to help others and to be there for others in the way in which works best for THEM. 
What bothers me, what angers me, what offends me is when someone tells me or unsolicitedly gives me their opinion about what THEY think *I* need to do w/my own life, my own beliefs, my OWN CHOICES in life. You don't have that right, shockingly...but true. YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT RIGHT.

While I appreciate the little Christmas card that my sister-in-law sent me (signing my brother's name to it of course), it was cute and funny and full of good humor and holiday cheer, I did NOT need the three paragraph plea to "find Christ". The card hit my shredder the second I skimmed over the "personal note", just for me. NOT for my kids, not for my husband, for ME. I was singled out, told I was not good enough to her and then given suggestion on how to 'improve myself through Christ'--that's paraphrasing to say the least and maybe a bit out of context, but when it comes to something like attacking someones CORE BELIEFS AND VALUES, she might as well have sent me a card that said- "You're gonna burn in hell, Have a Merry Christmas Heathen. Love your 'better than you are' SIL."

Note to others-
Just to give you some perspective and understanding of what this feels like on THIS side of the fence, leave your little speeches for like-minded friends, it's NEVER a good idea to attack someone like that during what should be a holiday to enjoy. I embrace Christmas differently than Christians do, but doesn't make me a monster, nor does it makes me needing of your condesention, your lectures, your loathing, nor your pity. If you want to send me a cutsie card w/the baby Jesus on the front of it surrounded by barn yard animals, shimmering star up above and glitter text saying: A KING IS BORN..by all means, send it. i think the artwork is quite lovely....however skip the personalize message of 'salvation' inside the card. a simple: We love you, and are thinking about you. Merry Christmas. Likewise I'll skip inserting a printed out article from the American Atheist Monthly. mmmkay? Thanks so much.

-Jaesus: Your *trying to be* Friendly Neighborhood Athiest.