I got a question on my formspring.me page about something quite personal to the anon questioner....and yet ironically very close to home for me. So I wanted to answer the Anon...and I ran out of characters on formspring...(who knew there was a char limit?! O.o) So I am posting it here for the ANON to read. :)
Anon asked:
I have a question-although not about names, about my 16 year old son. What
would you do if your son came out of the closet? I know you're an atheist &
it would be different for you, but my husband & I are devout Christians and I
don't know what to do. advice?
Dear Anon,
I know this will be long, so I apologize for that, but I feel i need to explain as best i can considering this subject, and (of course) being a polite as i can with regards to our religious differences.
first, i was raised in a christian household. I am the granddaughter of a baptist reverend in fact. So i am very knowledgeable about christian teachings first hand, and not just book learned and or studied through real world experience, friends, etc. But then even at 5yrs of age i always felt "different" when it came to religion and studied it with just a want of knowledge to feed my curiosity and not as a literal 'truth' or 'belief' that most do. hard to explain that actually. lol but I've studied a LOT of different beliefs...but i digress.
the first thing i can understand when you're in a certain faith is the immediate fear for your child's safety. not because of a religious feeling, but because you KNOW darn well how other religious people will treat, talk about, or behave towards someone who is homosexual and as a parent your first thought/instinct is to protect them like a grizzly bear from those who would harm them.
that's normal, AND in my humble opinion demonstrates that "orientation" means squat when it's your child. All you want and should want to do, is love your child, be there for your child and try to understand your child as best you can. people fear what they do not understand. so that is key (understanding) to accepting on some level (a level in which is most comfortable for you to be at) your child for WHO he is....and not "what" he is.
i think the second thing I'd do if i was you...(religious is what i mean) was to search my 'book of faith' (the bible in your case) and REALLY read what it says. not just *the* verse
Levt. 18:22, but the verses BEFORE and AFTER it as well.
the reason, 1. most people only hear of *that* verse and not the context in which it was placed. or why. 2. to really understand the text surrounding it. 3. to understand better exactly the things said within Leviticus 18.
Levt 18:5 states clearly what is about to be "said" by "the lord" unto his people via Moses-
18:5 - "Ye shall therefore keep my statutes, and my judgments: which if a man do, he shall live in them"
Therefore the following #s from Leviticus are commandments or "LAWS" that Moses and his people were to follow. (not the ten commandments *which some theologians suggest were more than just 10*, but the laws of society as a whole once the Hebrews fled Egypt.) **as you can see...this Atheist knows the bible well...in fact i probably have more bibles in my closet than some Christians, lol. i find many religious books important, esp the bible...not because i subscribe to them but because of it's importance on the literary history of mankind....and it's influence on people throughout history. one MUST understand it's significance, influence, usage, and practice to truly understand the minds of ancient man)..ummm got side tracked.
so on with it shall we?
okay....
When you look at the Laws within Levt. 18 you will see MANY laws that nowadays are considered sexist, outdated, ridiculous, or well...strange to the modern person. only ONE keeps popping up as the one that is not considered "normal". YET. (i.e. homosexuality).
so you have to ask....at what point in time did it become acceptable for all the OTHER rules listed to be broken. (women voting, women in positions of power over men, eating shellfish, etc) and yet homosexuality is still 'wrong". why? because it triggers some people's "icky" button.
I have to also question (and i mean this as my own thought on the matter in deciding what i thought about the entire issue of homosexuality as a young teen *whether it was right or wrong as i was "taught", etc). One thing you hear over and over- I was born this way (gay). Well....weren't heterosexuals also born that way....."hetero". If a hetero is born that way then logically speaking it's possible to be BORN feeling another way.
I also wanted to point out that these laws end with a statement- that the laws are to be taken as a WHOLE and NOT to be cherry picked for individual usage. it's all or nothing. and if you do cherry pick, it's WORSE that breaking one rule because you've put importance on one rule above all others....which is an insult to "god". you don't hear about that part in Sunday school....because it doesn't fit their purpose....to LEAD you into making a judgement with out all the facts.
This was something i noticed and wondered about from the age of 5 yrs old to the age of 20yrs old.....and i always wanted to know- WHY
to question or to seek out the whys was 'wrong'. or so i was told. my advice from Sunday school teachers or religious peers was- because it's just what the bible says.....end of story. that wasn't good enough for me. i sought out the meanings on my own. now...I'm not bashing religious people, their beliefs etc but for ME i couldn't agree w/the methods of reasoning they used.
i truly think that everyone should discover their own "faith" w/out the hype, the organized sheep like blind wandering quality you get sometimes. you need to search your own heart. listen to what the voice in your heart tells you....now whether that voice is your god, or something else. that's for YOU do decide....but i promise that if you are not there for your child you will lose out on something wonderful. you don't have to believe in the same things (religiously) to have a good relationship and love.
my mother is very devout in her christian faith and i ADORE her deeply and respect her. she loves me very much, and though we don't agree on a lot of things, we do respect each other very much. :) its' not about Hextrero/homosexual..it's about love.
Also please remember that your child is 16. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take his announcement seriously, but i am saying that at this age they are discovering a LOT of things about themselves and it's important for them to explore their own mind, feelings, etc with a support system there. whether they truly ARE coming out or just experimenting...they need to know that you will always love them no matter what. that you are not mad or upset or disappointed in them as a human being. because after all....your child might be half grown, but think back. do you remember that sweet smiling face as they learned to walk? as they said mama for the first time? how they laughed and it made your heart flip over? they are that SAME child. that never changes, no matter WHO they love in life and no matter WHAT their orientation may be.
:) Much respect-
Jaesus the Blogger
No comments:
Post a Comment