Do’s and don’ts while in uniform
by Whitney Bailey
The military service etiquette we abide by today is steeped in several hundred years of U.S. history. Many rules change over time as the military updates codes of conduct to reflect new attitudes and etiquette. However, some traditions still exist that may seem a bit antiquated (or even unfair) to you, the spouse.
When reviewing the list below, keep in mind that maintenance of these rules allows service members to project professionalism. These rules apply to your service member anytime he is in uniform, but many also apply to you when you are you attending a military function or in public with your uniformed hubby.
Okay thanks for that lovely intro Whitney....but honestly some of these rules are hardly ever enforced, and some are down right STUPID. but let's do explore the rigid rules shall we?? ((of course I'll be giving you a play-by-play of the more stupid ones that no one really pays attention to)).
Do:
Walk on your husband’s left side so he can salute others.
-Actually this isn't a half bad bit of advice. It sure beats getting SMACKED in the freaking head on accident by a flying elbow because hubs is saluting! LOL
Refer to your spouse by his first name or nickname, or as “my husband.” Do not refer to your husband as “Capt. Smith” or “the Captain.”
-Okay so here is why this is a stupid piece of advice. If I go to my husband's squadron and ask: "Hi, is Kevin around?" Do you honestly think in an institution that uses rank and last names to identify it's members, that me calling my husband by his first name...or his nickname (Shaggy) will actually clue these people in on WHO THE FUCK I'm looking for? Yeah I don't think so. It saves me tons of time to just ask: "Hey can you tell me where TSgt [our last name] is?"
Stand at a public function or ceremony when the senior officer enters and is announced. This applies to everyone in attendance.
-Sure my husband maybe, but my ass shall remain in a chair. I didn't sign my name to anything requiring me to bow to your rank. :) and I mean that nicely. (besides I've never met a spouse in 10 yrs of this life that does that).
Offer your husband an umbrella in the rain, but only if it’s black. He’s not allowed to carry any other color.
-Actually this is true, but honestly....the only umbrella we have is purple and I can tell you right now....they don't give two SHITS what color it is so long as you show up DRY. A wet uniform is worse than the color of your damn umbrella.
Push the baby carriage or stroller so your spouse doesn’t have to. It’s considered “unmilitary” to do so while in uniform.
-This one is just utterly STUPID. Why is pushing a stroller unmilitary? oh...military members aren't suppose to have families or be normal? Oh does this only apply to men? I have a feeling when it was created that's the thinking behind it. For the record, when a FEMALE military service member takes her child to the doctor or to school or daycare she may have need of a stroller...I've seen men and women in uniform pushing strollers for years. So to this rule say- blow me, and btw- it's NONmilitary not 'unmilitary'.
Help your spouse carry any packages or bundles to make it easier for him to salute. (Are you wondering if a man made up these rules so that wives would have to do all the heavy lifting?)
-I don't wonder if a man made up all these rules, I know damn well they did. AND any idiot that decides to carry heavy crap around in an area that requires lots of salutes ought to be smart enough to bring a bag w/handles, or a cart!
Don’t:
Show public displays of affection, except at homecomings and goodbyes. This includes kissing and holding hands.
- lol, yeah PDAs are forbidden. But honestly, we hold hands, and he's given me a peck on the cheek. *breakin' tha law, breakin' tha law!*
Offer your spouse a piece of gum. It is not “military” for him to chew it. The same goes for smoking while in uniform.
-This one is just downright HILARIOUS! Next time we're on base I'll take a pic of EVERY Airman, Sgt, Capt. and Col. I see smoking IN UNIFORM! Dude it would take up 4 pages to do so. They most certainly do, and CAN smoke. They have designated areas for that. And...after a smoke one might WANT to offer their spouse a stick of minty gum!
Allow him to put his hands in his pockets unless he is placing or retrieving an item.
-This one is true too. It's a stupid rule that borders on *fucking stupid*. I swear some of the shit they make up is just to get a laugh. By the way- I love how they phrase some of these as Don't: Allow him. Allow him? What am I? His mother? He's a big boy.
Refer to your husband’s orders as “our orders” unless you are a service member yourself.
-Oh BLOW ME! If my husband and I are a couple- joined as "one flesh"...and OBVIOUSLY where he goes so too do I, then whatever orders HE gets are MINE TOO, so suck it! If my name and the names of our children are on the oders because we are accompanying him then they are OUR ORDERS! Any orders WE GET- are OUR ORDERS. *eye roll*
Offer him food or drink while he’s walking. He should not be eating, drinking or using a cell phone while walking in uniform.
- Yeah that's true, but mostly because half the Airmen I meet are too fucking stupid to do two things at once.
Refer to others in the service as “sir” or “ma’am,” even if your spouse does. Refer to them by their rank and last name (“Capt. Smith”).
-Oh I see...so I cannot use respectful label? Yeah....I'm southern. If someone who is my 'elder' is speaking to me and they ask me a question I answer w/Yes, Sir or Yes, Ma'am. (or No, Sir/No Ma'am). Give me a break. OH and btw- so I have to call everyone ELSE by their last name and rank, but not my own husband....even when everyone else uses the name and rank my husband has *therefore* making it easier for them to understand WHO I'm talking about.
Allow your child to wear your spouse’s uniform for Halloween. Uniforms bearing insignia, badges and tabs should be worn only by authorized personnel.
-Well DUH!!! You'd have to be a complete MORON to do that. BUT you can allow them to wear them if you take off any insignia or badges. Hell Kyle has some old BDU pants of Kevin's that he wears when he goes hunting.
These were the rules from this one article. Some dumb, some practical but a bit "caveman-ish". LOL But now you get the idea of some of the crap I have to be aware of. And for the record...it's not as rigid as this makes it appear.
Jaesus.
